5.3) We describe bullying as a behaviour choice rather than labelling pupils as ‘bullies’, and work with pupils to build empathy, understanding and make better choices.

Rating description:

  • Fully met: We do not label pupils as ‘bullies’. Our response to bullying treats bullying as a behaviour choice, and we encourage pupils to make better choices. This approach is weaved into our school life and curriculum. 
  • Partially met: We do not label pupils as ‘bullies’. Our response to bullying usually treats bullying as a behaviour choice. Encouraging pupils to make better choices is not yet weaved into our school life and curriculum. 
  • Not yet met: Our school’s response to bullying include using the term ‘bully’ to label those displaying bullying behaviour. 

Why is this important? 

Describing bullying as a behaviour choice rather than labelling pupils as “bullies” helps schools address the issue without defining children by their actions. Labelling can limit growth, create stigma, and make it harder for pupils to change. By focusing on behaviour, schools reinforce that harmful actions can be challenged, understood and improved. 

Working with pupils to build empathy, reflect on impact and learn better ways of relating promotes accountability while still supporting development. This approach encourages lasting behaviour change, reduces defensiveness, and fosters a culture where children believe they can learn from mistakes and make kinder choices.

Top Tips:

  • Focus on the behaviour, not the pupil - use language that separates the child from their actions, e.g., “That was an unkind choice” rather than “You are a bully,” to avoid stigma and promote reflection.
  • Build empathy through guided discussion - encourage pupils to consider how their actions affect others using role-play, restorative conversations, or reflection activities. This helps them understand impact and develop compassion.
  • Offer clear alternatives and strategies - support pupils in identifying positive ways to respond in challenging situations, teaching skills like conflict resolution, communication, and emotional regulation.
  • Involve pupils in restorative processes - when safe, facilitate discussions that include those affected and the wider peer group, allowing pupils to take responsibility, repair harm, and commit to better choices in the future.

Resources and examples: 

Resources

  • Please read about a social model approach to responding to bullying
  • See our pages about responding to bullying for a variety of tools and information on this topic
  • The principles of a trauma-informed approach can be helpful when planning responses to bullying. See DfE's working definition for more information. 
  • Some schools find that embedding the Zones of Regulation approach within school becomes a useful tool when responding to bullying incidents and discussing them with both the target(s) and the perpetrator(s). 

Examples

Please note that examples from primary and other school settings may still include some useful hints and tips you can adapt and apply for a secondary setting.

See below for quotes and pieces of advice from other schools:

  • "We have found that using restorative justice techniques has been very effective in reducing bullying behaviour - particularly by enabling pupils to understand each other's behaviour better and by providing pupils with the opportunity to find their own solutions to disagreements/differences of opinion."
  • "Rather than looking for retribution for the bullied pupils we focused very much that the focus needed to be on the perpetrators and getting to the bottom of their behaviour."
  • "Taking the students to a comfortable neutral location [a local coffee shop] was a really good idea. They were more open to listening to what each other had to say and to discussing what they could do to move forward."

Back to 5. Responding and intervention page

Note: the resources listed at the bottom of this page (below) have all been referenced in the text above.