How school staff work with parents and carers experiencing bullying is crucial. This page offers guidance for teachers on effectively handling these situations.
Bullying is one of the most difficult experiences a parent or carer can experience. How effective responses to bullying are can have significant impacts on a family life. Testimonies of parents and carers have revealed that, while bullying of their child is always distressing, the response of schools can influence the extent of the damage significantly.
Parents and carers have a vital role to play in supporting their child who may be at risk of being bullied, or is being bullied. Like siblings, they can help identify and monitor incidents of bullying behaviour, but can also be called upon to reinforce or reassert anti-bullying strategies with their child at home.
We consulted with parents and carers and came up with the following recommendations when working with parents & carers on addressing reports of bullying:
1. Take time to listen
Firstly, to the child or young person: parents stress it is essential that if their child reports bullying to another adult in school, the appropriate response of the teacher is to take it seriously and believe that they are telling the truth. The consequences of a child reporting bullying and feeling that they are not listened to or believed are damaging and far-reaching - if they are not taken seriously the first time, they are unlikely to report again.
Secondly, to the parents themselves. Parents are the experts in their child’s behaviour and will know when something is wrong: they are also usually the first people to be either told about the bullying or spot the signs of it through changes in their child’s behaviour. When they report bullying to the school, they want to be believed and listened to, not labelled as ‘causing trouble’ or being ‘overly sensitive’.
Lastly, remember to listen to all sides. Parents wanted schools to recognise that those who display bullying behaviour often have their own challenges - many children deal with difficult situations and their bullying may be a consequence of feelings provoked by other wider events. Parents want all children to be listened to and supported.
2. Develop good communication
Parents believe that good communication would solve any distrust between parties involved in these situations, and help all those involved to feel that they are working towards a solution, even when this takes time. This means:
- Responding quickly once a concern has been raised. Many parents reported investigations could take many weeks or months, during which time the child may continue to be bullied, leaving parents feeling ‘in limbo’ and as though nothing was being done. It is important that some tangible action or investigation is seen to happen.
- Sharing what you know. Remember, as a school you may not be aware of everything that has taken place so ensure you show parents that you are open minded and not jumping to conclusions. Be careful to avoid judgement, and focus on the facts you have collected.
- Be careful with language. Remember to not label any child as a ‘bully’. This is unhelpful and can make parents feel defensive. Instead, acknowledge that they are displaying unkind and bullying behaviour, and you want to work with them to try to come up with a solution.
- Create a safe space. Do what you can to establish a feeling of safety or trust whenever you meet or engage with a parent/carer. Make sure that any face-to-face meetings are held in a quiet and confidential space, and that you are clear who you will share information with, and why. Listen to any information that parents and carers share and record any important information or actions. Use your anti-bullying policy to guide the conversation, and to agree next steps.
- Take notes and keep everyone updated. When you meet with parent/carers, make sure you take notes, agree action points, and then share these with parents/carers and agree a time to follow up.
Remember, developing good communication applies to all those involved - that is, between parents and school staff, between pupils, and between the parents of the child being bullied, and those displaying bullying behaviour.
Learn more about working with parents of children who are bullying others here
3. Focus on support and solutions, for both the target(s) and perpetrator(s)
Many parents reported that nothing had happened once they had raised a concern and that no actions were taken against those who had been bullying, so it's important to acknowledge to parents that you are resolved to come up with solutions to make things better for everyone. .
To support the child being bullied, you could: use the circle of friends; a buddy scheme; or safe zones, for when the child is distressed or needs some time alone. Other suggestions include the use of communication cards, which a child in class can use to let the teacher know if they are upset, feeling stressed or in need of support or time out.
To support the child displaying the bullying behaviour, parents suggested appropriate actions could include: speaking to the individuals; getting them to acknowledge their actions and apologise; or for the perpetrator to be moved away from those they have targeted. We recommend developing supportive and restorative responses that encourage perpetrators to reflect on what might have caused their behaviour, and to encourage empathy for others. Some actions may only need to occur once, and others may require longer term support.
Learn more about how to respond to bullying here.
4. Develop effective and well-publicised anti-bullying policy and strategy
Share your anti-bullying policy. Get all children, staff and parents to give their input in developing your policy, and have everyone sign up to it. All parents should be made aware of your anti-bullying policy in order to know what to do if their child is experiencing bullying, what to expect from you as a school, and what they can do if they are not happy with the way that the policies are being implemented. Share it with them regularly and build it into school life: at parents evenings, induction, transition, on the school website, in weekly newsletters, etc. There should be opportunities for regular monitoring and reviewing of the policy, involving parents and children, including disabled children and those with SEN.
Share your anti-bullying strategy. Be seen to actively discourage bullying. Run a range of school-wide activities: discussions in class; question-and-answer sessions (including sessions for parents); projects on bullying and its effects; and anti-bullying assemblies. Celebrate difference in ALL by running awareness sessions on different types of protected characteristics, and encouraging better understanding of how and why we are all different from one another in different ways. This could be facilitated by bringing experts in to talk to the school; or getting students to study famous people from different backgrounds and with different disabilities, for example. Regularly share these things with parents and carers so they can see what you are actively doing to tackle bullying and encourage kindness and respect.
5. Ensure that all teachers and staff have regular training
Regular and good quality anti-bullying training is essential. Include guidance on spotting the signs of bullying, as well as techniques for managing the situation when it occurs. Guidance on how to effectively offer support to those involved would also be helpful.
Think also about other types of training that may benefit staff to better support all pupils, for example understanding about the needs of some pupils with particular special educational needs or disabilities, or awareness of pupils who are, or perceived to be, LGBT.
6. Offer help for the parents and siblings to cope with effects of the bullying
This could include better signposting to local and condition-specific support groups and links to parent/carer forums.
7. Educate the wider community
Include other parents, so that they better understand disability and difference.